Life goes on...

Exciting news! Henry lost his first tooth! It had been loose for a while and I thought it would be some time before it came out. Then on Monday night it came out while he was in bed. No tears, no pain. He came down with it in his hand. We made a big deal out of it and had him set it out for the tooth fairy. In the morning there was 4 quarters waiting for him.

Last Saturday the town had reindeer on the Riverwalk by our house. We stopped and got Shelby, my sister-in-law's youngest, and went to pet them and take pictures. Santa was on the Showboat but the line was crazy long. Instead we got in line for a carriage ride. It was very cold while waiting but once we got in the carriage there were blankets. They had lined the Riverwalk with luminaries and the horses took the carriages down the Riverwalk, behind the old school and eventually onto the main road then past the library. It was fun, we sang songs and Henry even sang a song for us. It was so worth braving the cold!

On Thursday we went to Henry's school for his concert. They sang several songs. Henry sang every one and even did all the hand motions. I was thrilled. This is the first time he has participated in any school sing. I was so proud of him. I love the teacher he has now and I hope she is able to stay with his class for the rest of the year. She took over the class in October when the other teacher went on medical leave. The old teacher is supposed to come back in January. I do not want her back! She was not good. Anyway, it was important to me that Henry be able to give this teacher a gift since she is the reason he is doing so well. I knitted her gift and you can read about it at my knitting blog.

Henry's class had a party that we were invited to before the concert. Irene joined the group for the yummy goodies.

And, as usual, Henry made a goofy face for me when I took his picture.

I am still hoping and praying for some kind of Christmas miracle. I know I go on and on about it here. I just want my children to be able to come down on Christmas Day to find some gifts under the tree. Is that selfish? Is that wrong? All I know is that I want them to have no worries, I want them to have the joy and fun. I've tried many different ways and things to come up with some money for gifts. So far nothing has been successful.

I've tried talking to family about our situation. I'm not asking them to solve our problems. I'm just asking that they listen like I would listen to them. Instead they either quit talking to me, or completely gloss over the bad stuff like I never mentioned it. Oh, and don't send my kids cards saying that you hope Santa gives them lots of great gifts when you KNOW Santa can't afford to come here this year!

Gingerbread Houses and Reindeer

I know I've had a bunch of sad and whining posts about how difficult things are and how I don't know how we're going to "do" Christmas. Yes, things are still as they were, BUT I have a post about happy things!

This morning, while Henry was at school, we took Irene and Gavin to the library for their Gingerbread House program. The librarian read a story and then the kids each got to make a gingerbread house.

Everything was provided for the kids; frosting, gumdrops, chocolate chips, coconut, candy of all kids, fruit loops, marshmallows.

We were there for about an hour and came home with two super cute gingerbread houses created by my elves.

When we picked up Henry from school we drove to the little town that is about 6 or so miles from our town. The town is so small but they are part of the Kent District Library system and actually have a really cute library. This afternoon they were having reindeer visit!

Two reindeer stopped by to visit. Bronner was an old pro but this was Velvet's first year. Each child was able to pet the reindeer and my three kids were eager to do so.

The children were actually allowed as much time as they wanted for petting the reindeer. No rush, no pushing. There was probably less than 20 people there which wasn't surprising when you think about the town size. However, I expected more people since it is only one of 4 libraries (out of the 18 in the KDL system) that is hosting the reindeer.

Gavin had been napping when we got there. He was about half awake when we went outside. We showed him the reindeer and then I asked him if he wanted to pet them. He immediately answered with "Yes!" He actually petted the reindeer then went back to pet him again.

Overall, I'd say we had a pretty great day and both activities were free!

Still Going...

Mark, Gavin and I have been fighting a nasty cold and cough. We ended up not going to any of the past weekend's Santa activities. The town had a parade, meeting Santa on the Showboat, crafts, etc. going on. It was cold and rainy and Gavin was so miserable that we thought it best not to go out. We are finally starting to feel a wee bit better. Unfortunately, I've had another little medical issue come up.

Not much else has changed here. I am still praying for some kind of miracle to happen so we can give the kids a Christmas. Between the stress and uncertainty and now the illness, I am feeling quite "down in the dumps." I find that I am on the verge of tears almost all day long. I'm trying to keep a happy face for the kids and Mark. I keep on knitting as much as possible since that is a huge stress reliever for me.

I'm trying to think of something fun or sweet to share. I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer" but at the moment I just don't feel well enough to make the effort. The next post will be better, please stick with me!

Ugh!

Through all this uncertainty I have been trying to keep positive. Right now, I am finding it rather hard to not cry. A black crayon went through the wash today and has coated our dryer in black goo. Unfortunately, the children's clothes were in the dryer with the crayon. School clothes, play clothes, pajamas, socks, underwear all coated in black crayon.

I have no idea how to fix this. I have no money and there is no way I can replace all the ruined clothing. Plus, what happens the next time I use the dryer? Will the next load be coated in black? Of course, I cannot afford to go to the laundromat to dry clothes.

I'm finding it hard to be thankful or cheerful right now.


Edited to add: My mother-in-law came over with a lot of goo gone spray and a tooth brush. She helped scrub the clothes and the clothes are in the washer soaking. I am hoping this works! The dryer is still coated but we dried some of Mark's clothes in it and they came out (as far as we could see) clean. Mine are in there now so we shall see. I have some pretty wonderful friends that gave some suggestions to me through Facebook. I am no longer on the verge of tears.

Last week we went for a walk around the downtown area of town. It was surprisingly warm that night and lots of people were out. The town has decorated the Showboat with Christmas lights and on December 3 Santa will be there to visit and have cookies with.
There is also a big tree right on Main Street that has been decorated. We walked around checking out the lights and enjoying the warm-ish weather.

Now that the neighbor's tree has lost its leaves we can see part of the lights on the Showboat from our house. I think they've decorated the town quite nicely.

The kids enjoyed the walk and although it looks like we were out late it is actually around 6:30pm. I hate that is gets dark so early! Today I am taking Henry and Irene to the library. The are having a program on Legos and the kids get to design things with them. I'm not totally sure what is going to be going on but I knew they'd want to check it out. In two weeks the library is having a Gingerbread house program. Henry will be in school during that time but I've signed up Irene and Gavin. They get to make a little gingerbread house and I think there is an exhibit of some kind.

Our current situation is still the same. Thankfully, we still have Internet and tv. My sister-in-law actually pays for Dish Network and since we live next to her we have a receiver. We have Internet and wifi set up so both places can use it. Without Internet connection we would be so cut off from family and the world. Mark does his entire job search online. And yes, he is still searching, sending in multiple applications every day. And no, we still have no idea how we are going to give the kids Christmas. I'm praying for a miracle.

Still, I am thankful for the little things :-)

Trying To Find Relief

Unfortunately, life keeps sending us more bumps. If you've read my last post you know that things have been very difficult for us. Well, life is about to get even harder. We are about to lose our vehicle. It isn't really a surprise since, with absolutely no income, we've not made payments in months. It is just when you see it in black and white and know that at any moment they'll be coming that it really sinks in.
There isn't anything we can do. We just have no money, no income and no way to change it. Even if one of the 90 jobs Mark has applied for was to hire him tomorrow we still would not be able to change this.
Of course, no car will make getting the kids to and from school quite difficult and I'm not sure how we'll get groceries.

Sooo...not sure what else to write. The mood here is a bit glum so I am putting up some cute pictures of my kids. We need some cute right now!

Life, or something like it.

I've been silent for a while on this blog. I've added to my knitting blog several times but to write here has been difficult. I still like our little place here in our new town. I love that whenever the weather is decent that we walk half a block to the riverwalk and feed the ducks and just enjoy the scenery. Plus, with the library being a block away I've been catching up on all my favorite authors. (On that note check out Alan Bradley's Flava de Luce series. The first book is The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie. I love this series and the latest installment is waiting for me at the library) Henry is adjusting to the school, although he had a difficult day last Friday. I'm hoping that isn't going to become a new thing. He is trying the hot lunch today at school and was excited about it. Irene is doing well at school and is learning sign language.

I do miss things about our old town. I miss having the beaches to drive to and the downtown. I miss my MOPS group and the friends I had there. Not knowing anyone here besides family means I can't make playdates at the parks. Our new town does have some Christmas festivals coming up. In a couple of weeks they have a craft festival and on December 3rd they have a Santa parade, craft fair, and meeting/pictures with Santa on the Showboat. There are things to look forward to.

I guess my big disappointment is that being poor in the Grand Rapids area means that you're treated as sub-human. We've been trying to get doctors for the kids. We've been to the emergency room twice since moving here. Once when Henry cut open his eyebrow and again two weeks ago when both Henry and Irene were crying in pain over ear infections. We tried a walk-in clinic for the ear infections but we were turned away because they did not take medicaid. Since we did not have a cell phone we had no way of finding another clinic and headed for the ER. For that visit we've been verbally "spanked" by the health plan for not seeing the doctor. NO EXCUSES was blazoned across the letter in angry red. Apparently, even if your child is crying in pain on a Sunday morning, you are suppose to wait until Monday to see a doctor.

Ah, but the new doctor saga is just so much fun! We called the medicaid health plan that the children are on asked that they send a booklet with all the doctors in Kent County that take the plan. It arrived and we went through it. Not a single pediatrician in the book was taking new patients. Not a single Family Practice doctor was taking new patients. And in our town? No doctors at all participated in this health plan. None.

We called the health plan again and asked if they could list any doctors in the area that were taking patients. They gave us two. One is a practice in the worst section of Grand Rapids. We're talking crack baby central. My mother-in-law just said "No, don't go down there." The other doctor did not work with the hospital in Grand Rapids...even though he was a Grand Rapids doctor. What? We decided to look online using the health plan's website. Their online search brought up different doctors. We got excited. Could there be a glimmer of hope? Yeah, right. None of those doctors were taking patients with our health plan. We called the health plan back and this time not even the doctor in crack baby central was taking patients. There was a new doctor available, but he isn't affiliated with the local hospital and...he doesn't speak English.

Finally we called a doctor in Grandville. She would be a 20/30 minute ride for us BUT she was in a good area, took our insurance and worked with the local hospital. Great! Hahahaha! After setting up appointments for the children they called back the next day to say they've cancelled us because they were no longer taking patients with our health plan.

You must understand, none of these doctors (and we called a lot!) would take us because we have a medicaid health plan and they are only required to take so many and then they can turn the rest away. Most were taking new patients until you told them your health plan. That is when they would say "Sorry, we're not taking any more medicaid patients."

Back online, at the health plan website, we searched the four counties around here. We found a doctor that is an hour and a half away. Of course, she cannot get the children in until a month and a half from now. AND she only works two days a week. Mark made appointments even though I am against it. The children are still patients of the pediatric clinic in Traverse City and they have office hours every day and belong to a top 100 hospital. I can't see driving an hour and a half to go to some two-bit doctor when we could drive an extra half hour/45 minutes and see their good doctors. Of course, all of this is moot since we have no money. All the doctors might as well be on Mars since there is no way we could afford the gas to get there.

Have I mentioned this? The weekend we moved here Mark was kicked off unemployment. His former company asked him to turn in his truck, keys, etc. when they found out he was being treated for high blood pressure. His doctor sent numerous reports to the company as well as unemployment saying that he was fully capable of working. This got him unemployment, at first. Then every week the former employer would try a new tactic to get him removed. Each week we would fax more paperwork, doctor forms. They must have tried five different things until they finally got through.

We've now been two and a half months without income of any kind. Mark is filling out at least three applications a day for any kind of job available. The very last of my jewelry has been sold just to keep us in gas money. Recently we sold a ring of my mother's and that money went to buy winter jackets and boots for the children. It also bought toilet paper, female necessities, and dog food. We are now down to our last $20. I have my wedding earrings, and a small diamond heart pendant of my mothers that has very special memories associated with it. These things are the last of the "good" jewelry I own and I am about to say goodbye to them. What will I get for them? Perhaps $65...if I'm lucky.

So, why share all this with people I don't know? I guess I am feeling rather depressed and now the holidays are coming up fast. When we first moved we thought the unemployment would help give us a small but happy holiday. Now, I don't know what my three children will find under the tree. My family wants us to drive an hour to visit them for Thanksgiving and to come back again two days later for an early Christmas with the brother that lives out of state. I have repeatedly told them that we have no money. There is no way we could put that much gas in the car and if we could we certainly couldn't waste it to make a two hour round trip. Sometimes I think our families think that we are playing at being poor. People, we are really there.

One good thing we happened to find is a cell phone company that gives you a free tracfone and one year of free service if you qualify. We qualify and we now have 250 minutes a month and a phone. The minutes don't roll over but who cares! We finally have a phone! I cannot tell you how much not having a phone is a huge worry when having three kids. If someone got hurt how would we contact help? Thankfully, now we can.

I'm trying, trying, trying to have a positive outlook. I'm trying to have faith.

Hope Is Patience With The Lamp Lit

Pictures from the first day of school. After fretting about Henry in my last post, today he had a good day at school. In fact, he is ready to try all day on Thursday. I am hopeful and faithful that he will have another good day, and it will be his birthday. He wants to take treats in to class.

A New Town

We've made the move. Unfortunately, we did it three days before school started which is what I've been saying all summer long that I did not want to do. Irene has made an easy transition into school but Henry is having a difficult time. I'm still not sure what to do about the school situation. Should I ask for a teacher change? Should I pull him out and homeschool? Of course, I can't afford a homeschooling program so that is not really an option. I am not happy that my child, who used to love school, now begs to stay home. That is just not right and I don't know how to fix it.

My sweet Henry turns six this week. We are having his party at Klackles Orchard again. He is looking forward to that. Last week he was playing in a big box in his room when he fell out. He sliced his eyebrow open on the dresser. That is when we discovered that this new town of ours does not have a walk-in med center. We had to drive 25 minutes into Grand Rapids to the children's hospital. The hospital was great but Henry did not want stitches and let's just say that it was a horrible experience that I never want to go through again. It was bad enough that we decided not to repeat it for the stitch removal. I took them out at Grandma Pat's house last night. He was very stressed out about it but it went much better than it would have if we'd gone to a med center. Plus, Grandma promised him a Lego and a slushie.

The pictures above are from the downtown area of our new town. We live two blocks from it. As I sit in my chair I can see the water, I believe that is the Flat River. I can also see the back of the library which is great because every time I want I book it takes me two minutes to walk there. We did have to downsize a lot to move into this new place. However, my mother-in-law did a lot of painting and fixing before we moved in and I've enjoyed hanging my pictures and making this place into our home. The children's room did not get painted nor did their bathroom but that is on the list of things to do. I now have laundry on the first floor which is such a treat! No more scary, spider filled basement to contend with. And we now have a huge back yard and we live on a one-way street so we can even play in the front without worrying about the crazies driving 90 miles an hour past us.

The move was difficult and I'm worried about Henry and school, but I am happy with our new place and trying to get used to the new town. I'm trying to have a more positive attitude about life.

A Year Ago...

A year ago today my mother passed away. It was very sudden and unexpected. The past year has been...well, it has been difficult. Today I wanted to be a day of calm. No crazy scenes of crying and wailing, no laying of a single rose on a grave, instead I wanted it to be a quiet day.

I was pleasantly surprised by a message I got from one of my mother's friends and co-workers. My mom had been a reference librarian at our public library and she loved working there and the people she worked with. They decided to put together a memorial table with a picture of my mom and her beloved Dachshund, Heinz. Also on the table were some of the books that had been purchased in her name by memorial contributions. They made a point to purchase new books by her favorite authors plus books on knitting and counted cross stitch (she did both). They also included a copy of her obituary.

What a sweet and kind gesture and it showed how much she meant to the people there. I was so very touched by it. My husband and I made a point to go see the display today with our children.

After the library we went for a walk on the pier. It was so sunny out and lots of boats were heading out to fish. Several people were fishing off the pier as well.

I took a picture of the kids next to the lighthouse. As usual, Irene is striking a pose!

Walking back toward the beach we could see at least 20 feet down through the water. lots of huge rocks and fish. The kids loved that. When we got to the end the Coast Guard boat was coming in and the men aboard waved to us.

From the pier we walked over to the playground at the beach. We let the kids run around in the sunshine and sand.

One the merry-go-round Irene held unto Gavin until he was steady enough to sit and stand on his own. They even helped him go down the slide.

It was a truly beautiful day. Instead of being a sad day it was filled with happiness and love.

Summer is Here!

Irene turned 4 in June and we celebrated by having her birthday at The Binder Park Zoo in Battle Creek. My dad made sandwiches and brought a picnic lunch for us all. My mother-in-law brought a Toy Story 3 cake.

After lunch we headed into the zoo. They cousins had to pose with the giant ant :-)

Irene was very excited about the giraffes at the zoo. Grandma got her face painted as a giraffe.

The zoo had a giraffe feeding section. We spent a lot of time here but it was so much fun to be up close to them!

It was a great birthday party and the kids loved it. Oh, in case you like the top Irene is wearing, I made that for her. I finished it late the night before the party.

As for the summer so far...two emergency room trips, vacation bible school, 4th of July, several Grand Rapids trips, two bank card numbers being stolen, packing, more VBS, another illness, lots of time spent at the beach and so much more!